Loneliness is not always easy to recognise.
Recognising the signs of loneliness in older people can make it easier to offer support before isolation begins to affect everyday wellbeing. An older parent may never say, “I’m lonely.” Instead, you may notice small changes in their routine, confidence or interest in everyday activities.
Changes such as retirement, bereavement, reduced mobility, no longer driving, friends moving away or simply spending more time at home can all reduce opportunities for regular social contact.
Here are seven signs families may want to look out for.
1. They are going out less
Perhaps your parent once enjoyed shopping, visiting friends, attending church, going to a local group or simply taking a walk.
If they have gradually stopped going out, it may be worth asking why.
Sometimes it is not because they have lost interest. They may feel less confident going out alone or simply prefer having someone with them.
2. Phone calls are becoming much longer
A quick telephone call may regularly turn into a much longer conversation.
That can simply mean your parent enjoys talking to you, but it may also be a sign that they have had very little conversation or social contact during the rest of the day.
3. They have stopped doing things they used to enjoy
Hobbies and interests can provide enjoyment, routine and a sense of purpose.
If your parent suddenly stops gardening, reading, attending groups, cooking, doing crafts or taking part in activities they previously enjoyed, it may be worth gently finding out why.
Sometimes activities become less enjoyable when there is nobody to share them with.
4. Their daily routine has changed
When there are fewer people to see or places to go, everyday routines can begin to change.
You may notice your parent:
- getting dressed later in the day
- spending more time watching television
- sleeping more during the day
- eating at irregular times
- having fewer plans during the week
Having regular activities and social contact can give structure to the week and something to look forward to.
5. They regularly talk about people they no longer see
Talking about old friends and family memories is perfectly normal.
However, if your parent frequently talks about people they used to spend time with, they may be missing the social connections they once had.
Sometimes simply having someone who is interested in listening, talking and sharing memories can be meaningful.
6. They avoid going places alone
Going to the shops, attending an appointment, visiting a café or joining an activity may become more difficult when confidence decreases.
Some people may simply stop going rather than tell their family that they would feel more comfortable having someone accompany them.
A little support can sometimes help someone continue doing the things they enjoy.
7. They say things like “I don’t see anyone anymore”
Comments such as:
“I haven’t spoken to anyone today.”
“Everyone is busy.”
“There’s nothing to go out for.”
“I don’t like going on my own.”
may sound casual, but they can also be an opportunity to start a conversation.
Rather than immediately suggesting what they should do, ask how they feel about their week and whether there are things they would like to do more often.
Small things can make a big difference
Starting a conversation about loneliness can sometimes feel difficult.
Instead of saying:
“You need more help.”
You could ask:
“What would make your week more enjoyable?”
“Is there anywhere you would like to go?”
“Would you enjoy having someone to go out with sometimes?”
“Is there someone you would like to visit?”
“Is there something you used to enjoy that you would like to start doing again?”
These questions keep the conversation focused on choice, independence and what matters to the person.
They also give your parent an opportunity to explain what they actually want rather than having decisions made for them.
Where companionship can help
Companionship support can provide regular social contact and help people remain involved in everyday life.
This might include conversation, walks, shopping, attending appointments, visiting a café, enjoying hobbies, getting out into the community or simply spending time together at home.
Good companionship should not be about taking over someone’s life. It should help them continue doing the things that are important to them while maintaining choice and independence.
The NHS also provides information about loneliness, including possible signs and practical ways people can stay connected. nhs.uk
For more information about how we support people to stay connected, visit our Companionship Support page.
When to take the next step
Noticing the signs of loneliness in older people does not mean families need to make immediate or dramatic changes.
Often, the best place to begin is simply with a conversation.
Ask what the person misses, what they enjoy, who they would like to see and whether there are things they would like to do more often.
From there, small and practical changes can help create more opportunities for conversation, activity and connection while allowing the person to remain in control of their everyday life.